| The Silent Treatment – Say Everything without Saying Anything |
Many, many years ago when I was a child of about ten, I did something which was contrary to my mother’s instructions. I was expecting a sound thrashing or verbal volley of words. No, that did not happen. My mother just ignored me. For a while thought I thought I am saved and I was internally happy. But she ignored me the whole day. I became a bit restless. The next day to she did not speak to me for the entire day and I was really worked up. The next day too, she ignored me. Her silence was deadly. I could not bear it any more. I broke down and pleaded to her to speak to me. She turned a deaf ear. That evening was unbearable. At last I hugged her and started crying. And that was when she took me near gave loving strokes on my hair. I felt relieved and even before she said anything I apologised.
The power of ‘silent treatment’ was loudly visible. Her silent treatment hurt me more than her anger.
Silent treatment is a punishment to make you feel unimportant, not valued, not cared about and completely absent from the givers thoughts. It is used as a form of non-physical punishment and control. Nobody wants to be shut out, ignored, excluded or rejected. The giver remains aloof, refuses to speak and is usually used as an expression of anger or disapproval.
Should we use this silent treatment when we want to admonish or express anger over some wrong act of your subordinate? It is very passive aggressive behaviour and hurts the other person sharply. It can hurt more than anything else you could ever do. Such behaviour can have a very strong impact on others. When you apply this, you are banishing your medical representative from the existence without the benefit of closure or a good bye or a chance at reconciliation. It can hurt him badly.
The silent treatment communicates negative feelings even more effectively, at times, than a tongue-lashing does (1).
The first thing a FLM should to a medical representative before playing the silent treatment is say a good word. Do not display any type of body language which shows anger. Have your last say and laugh, then play the silent treatment. It will leave him stoned and wondering. Before you plot the ignoring revenge say: "Well, I know you are disturbed and why you did it. I shall over look this and speak to you later," and the next time you see him, ignore them, play the treatment, and then ignore him for a few weeks.
Do not attend his calls on the mobile. Cut off all communication, contact, and access. Even block his e-mails. This shows you do not want him. By cursing them out and bullying them, it shows negative attention, which is not as effective as the silent treatment. If you see him, walk by and pretend like he does not exist. Turn you head slightly when you see him. Tell your immediate bosses to ignore him too; harsh words and threats can lead to trouble.
If you see them, look away. Avoid him by speaking to some other person. Sit away from him if you are in a cycle briefing meeting or any conference. Show him that you don't need him and go on as usual as if he does not exist.
This is the greatest revenge, although it can emotionally hurt you. Though your silent treatment, let him know how much it hurt you when he did whatever he did.
The anterior cingulate cortex is the part of the brain that detects emotional pain. Research indicates the anterior cingulate cortex can be active even when a person is not aware of his errors. Nevertheless, awareness might increase activation (2). Specifically, when individuals are aware of their errors, the error-related negativity might be higher in amplitude. When you give someone the silent treatment you are activating his cingulate cortex giving him sleepless nights. Simply by ignoring his existence you can inflict pain on him.
By now he will get your message. Make peace with him eventually. When you see him four to six weeks later, it's probably time to excuse him for the act.
The silent treatment can be a very destructive so be careful when you apply it.
From the silent treatment I was given by my mother, I believe a medical representative would much rather prefer getting shouted at than ignored. Purposeful silence is truly one of the impactful methods of severe admonishment. In fact, it is considered to be one of the harshest methods of punishment.
References:
1. Pygmalion in Management By J. Sterling Livingston. Harvard Business Review, July‑August 1969, pp. 81‑89.
2. Luu, P., & Pederson, S. M. (2004). The anterior cingulate cortex: Regulating actions in context. In M. I. Posner (Ed.), Cognitive neuroscience of attention. New York: Guilford Pres
Vivek Hattangadi
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